Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
