i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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