you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
