Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
