So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
