I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
