Can i not drive my cunt home
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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