I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
