Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
