yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
