cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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