dude i'm inner monologue high
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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