When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
