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I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
