some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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