Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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