Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
