I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
