Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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