I'm eating all of the evidence.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
