I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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