We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
