I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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