the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
