Texts From Last Night

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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.

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  (623): I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again. http://tfl.nu/xgq4
  Replies (22) Good night (4279) Bad night (778)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

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  (603): turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops. http://tfl.nu/vdzv
  Replies (20) Good night (1105) Bad night (5839)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room

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  (541): dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room http://tfl.nu/exa4
  Replies (15) Good night (4027) Bad night (1129)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.

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  (919): Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side. http://tfl.nu/vqy8
  Replies (6) Good night (2990) Bad night (675)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.

  (253): View more from Washington

  you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.

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  (360): Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone. (253): you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker. http://tfl.nu/ov6f
  Replies (3) Good night (2731) Bad night (1189)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.

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  (807): I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is. http://tfl.nu/yivs
  Replies (12) Good night (1931) Bad night (803)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.

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  (206): But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness. http://tfl.nu/0ech
  Replies (15) Good night (3081) Bad night (562)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!

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  (570): Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week! http://tfl.nu/bw5p
  Replies (11) Good night (2225) Bad night (671)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!

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  (201): I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine. (1-201): Why is there even a knowledge base for that?! http://tfl.nu/9uxx
  Replies (7) Good night (1200) Bad night (587)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick

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  (319): He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick http://tfl.nu/akxs
  Replies (6) Good night (411) Bad night (1029)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk

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  (630): Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk http://tfl.nu/5as6
  Replies (1) Good night (1217) Bad night (481)
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  (562): View more from California

  He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.

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  (562): He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore. http://tfl.nu/2eq9
  Replies (1) Good night (341) Bad night (704)
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  (925): View more from California

  I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.

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  (925): I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King. http://tfl.nu/3lhe
  Replies (2) Good night (841) Bad night (342)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.

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  (717): Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable. http://tfl.nu/afco
  Replies (3) Good night (723) Bad night (317)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe

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  (616): You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe http://tfl.nu/yj87
  Replies (2) Good night (650) Bad night (378)

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