you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
birth control should be required to get into college
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
