Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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