Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I checked into jail on foursquare
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal