We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"