No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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