I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
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I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.