I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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