I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
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The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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