Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
