We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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