you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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