yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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