i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
