Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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