mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
