Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
