We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
