She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
