It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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