3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
