Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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