I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
