You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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