I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
