This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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