my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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