1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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