Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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