i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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