i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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