She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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