Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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