the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
