Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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