I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
