4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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