your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
