he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
