Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
