You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish i was in the wii world.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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