well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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