also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i wish my penis had a tongue
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
