I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
