You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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