Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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