he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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