You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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