If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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