Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
