oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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