If that was your dad, he is hot
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
