Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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