he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
