Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This house was built for laser tag.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
