four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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