i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
