weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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