well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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